Hi.

You know how I've always hated people who got extinct right after they had published only several posts in their blogs? It annoys me at some point. And somehow that reflects me. And that annoys me. How I badly abandon my blog.... 

I just wanna spill my heart out;

Have you ever felt like you don't know what the heck you're doing and no one can ever bring you back to the right path? Or people just seem so stupid to understand the way you're feeling? Everything I've done, and what I'm trying to do, just feels wrong. That feeling when you're heart is empty and you don't know where to go, or what to do. You know when you're just so desperate, you just want to restart everything from zero and be happy for what you have?

I just can't lie to myself.

China

I apologize for not posting for a very long time. Due to high school, school works have made me busy and hence I have no time to even update my blog. Below are some of the photos I took in China for this Eid Mubarak holiday.

I believe I'm strong. But I believe I am not I'm strong enough. 

Now I need you here. Say it, straight to my eyes, that I am strong enough. I need you, your support, and that you believe in me. 

Carrot Cake with Mascarpone and Rum Frosting

Who would have thought, that I could turn this: 

into this:

and eventually this:

There were so many ideas running through my head when I think of this blog. I planned to make cookies, cupcakes, pasta, and many other stuffs but ended up in posting this gluten free and dairy free carrot cake. I found this recipe somewhere in the net, and I thought, "why not?" I tried a carrot cake when I was little, and what I remember was this sweet, rich, heavy but mouth-watering cake. This carrot cake which I made has different textures in comparison to what I tried a few years ago, but they both had the same rich and heavy properties.

This cake has a significant amount of rum in it, and it is actually my first time cooking with rum. I had to cook the rum with sultanas, and I freaked out because there was literally fire on the saucepan. But as the blue flames vanished, I realize it was a pretty awesome moment. The rum was also there in the frosting with the mascarpone, and I never knew it worked so good together with the cake. The rum just makes it.

This is Nigella Lawson's Venice Inspired Carrot Cake. Click for the recipe 

To Love Or Not To Love

I could never comprehend your way of thinking, from the very start till the present. Every action you take kept me thinking, "Is this a sign, or just some unimportant gesture?" When I'm alone and I think about you, I think of us, together, being happy. On the other hand, I am afraid that I have made my dreams too high, too over confident about your feelings towards me. At other times, I am afraid that I could possibly fall too hard, not achieving every little part, and breaking myself apart. So the question is, to love or not to love?

It's an absolute statement that I love being around you. Your quirkiness, your wittiness, and your rude behavior -- shines my day every time we interact. People say the best way to make someone to love you is to make him or her laugh. It's funny how it's the only strategy I have to make you close to me, and that it was an enormous achievement to have successfully made you laugh.

Beyond annoying to know the fact that I am the one that only puts the effort: by being curious about you, by having the urge to know more and more about you, and that you have little (or may be no) interest towards me. Pathetic to know, to be honest. But what can I say?

Love, even this little puppy love, takes time. And if somewhere right in the middle, signs show that we are not meant to be created, then I by perforce have to let you leave, let the spark leave, and seek for someone better, and the cycle repeats. The cycle which goes, happy in the beginning, unsure in the middle, and heart broken in the end, or the cycle which goes, happy in the beginning, happy in the middle and happy in the end. My choice.

19th June

It was never my annual activity to celebrate events like Father's Day, let alone to cook its dishes. Not because I don't love my father, but I never could understand the value of those events. Although I still remain not celebrating Father's Day, this year I decided to make my own choice of Father's Day dessert, Pavlova. In the end, the only person who enjoyed the desert was not my father, but my cousin instead.

Pavlova is basically a meringue based dessert with fruit toppings. The crunch on the surface and the marshmallowy texture inside makes me crave for more. Not to mention the different flavors of the toppings.. Pavlova is not a doubt my absolute fave.

Pavlova

Ingredients:

6 egg whites (room temperature)

1 cup superfine sugar

2 tsp corn flour

pinch of baking powder

2 tsp vanilla essence

1 tsp white vinegar

200 ml whipping cream

pinch of salt

a selection of tropical fruits

Preparation

1. Preheat oven to 170ºC. Line a baking tray with baking paper. Draw a 18cm circle on the paper.

2. Whisk the eggs using your mixer  on medium speed until soft peaks are formed. Gradually add the sugar on high speed until the egg whites turn into stiff peaks. 

3. Sprinkle over corn flour, baking powder, vinegar, salt and vanilla essence. Beat until all the sugar is dissolved. To tell if the sugar is dissolved, rub the foam with your fingers. If it feels gritty, then beat again for a few minutes. 

4. Mould the mixture within the circle. Place it in the oven for about 45 minutes.

5. Turn off the oven, leave the pavlova to cool. 

6. Add the cream on the surface. Decorate the pavlova with the selection of fruits.

Berries!

I have never loved eating berries until my Canadian interchange partner asked me to pick (and eat) blackberries from her grandparents' garden. Since then, I could never resist not buying packets, even very little packets of any berries, particularly blackberries from a fruit grocery.

This morning I craved for berries and went to a fruit grocery to buy 4 packets of different berries -- strawberries, cherries, blueberries and blackberries. Since I hate cooking using the oven, what immediately comes to my mind was making a summer pudding.

Summer Fruit Pudding

Ingredients

150g strawberries

150g blackberries

150g cherries

150g blueberries

4 - 5 medium sliced white bread from a large loaf

1/3 cup honey

2 soufflé molds (or any other small molds)

Directions

1. Reserve a few of each berries on a paper towel. Place remaining berries and honey in a saucepan, heat for about 5 minutes.

2. Strain the berries from the juice and set aside. 

3. Trim the bread to fit the mold, dip into the syrup thoroughly and then place into the mold.

4. Fill the bread lined mold with the berries. Place another piece of bread on top.

5. Weigh down in the fridge for about an hour.

6. Turn over and unmold the pudding, serve with fresh berries and the berry syrup.